loose to gain

sometimes we have to loose a little, so we can gain so much more.

and i think of what i can loose in order to gain. this goes beyond the physicality of weight and such. because if i start to let go of things and move beyond things of the world, i begin to wonder what i can truly gain.

and the blessing is this is God will reveal it little by little. i know this because i have witnessed this within my own life as i start to let things go. prior to doing that, i was fearful of the change and what would/could happen. i would psych myself out of it, before anything had happened. luckily, God blesses me and shows me what i can gain from it all.

and if i let Him in a little at a time, it's not so scary.

i just need to remember that and keep my life focused on Him

philippians 1:19

"for i know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance" (philippians 1:19)

i take comfort in those words recently; yet, struggle at the same time with them. i know, it sounds like an oxymoron, but i just wonder how certain life events can work out for someone's deliverance. because when it comes down to it, i feel (as rob bell would say) as though i'm just have a 'habakkuk day/season/year'. i don't say that to receive pity, but to acknowledge that life is hard. and when life is hard, i begin to wonder how it all can work out for my deliverance.

i guess it's during those difficult time that my faith is increased, along with hope and trust in God. that's when i feel comfort from those words. and it's not that i even have that verse entirely memorized either. all i have to do i think philippians 1:19 and the basic message comes across to me. i need to embrace that and not doubt.
because when i doubt, i'm doubting God's power in all of this.

the prodigal son

i'm going to be very honest right now, i don't like the parable of the prodigal son (luke 15:11-32). i truly don't. i have come to the conclusion it is because it's the parable i most need to connect with. my avoidance is really blocking me from seeking the message within it.

you see, i don't like the way either of the sons acts. the younger one is too careless and too carefree. he's goes out and does what he wants, and when he fails he comes home. this aggravates me. then the older son whines and constantly seeks validation. he likes the rules and wants them to be kept. and if that's not enough, then there's the father...the loving, merciful father. who seems to love both of his sons, unconditionally. and i wonder, how does he love like that? and if it can't get any better, the father goes on to forgive his son. what?!? the son that wanted his money and left him, he goes and offers forgiveness to.

do you see my frustration with this story?!?

it's just not fair.

it's just not fair.

it's just not fair.

and when i say that, i'm missing the point of it.
the father loves and forgives because Our Father loves and forgives

'open skies' by david crowder band

"...from wherever you are
wherever you've been
He's been there..."

i think sometimes i take this for granted, and sometimes i choose not to acknowledge it. and the truth is, i need to be mindful of it and realize that God will meet me wherever i am at.

i just need to be willing to meet Him

"Father forgive..."

after reading and reflecting on luke 23:32-38, i try to imagine what it would have been like to be Jesus on the cross, in His final moments, watching men gamble for His clothes.

take a moment to picture what that really would have been like.

if that were you, how would you feel?

would you be able to ask for forgiveness for those who are wronging you right in front of your very eyes?

personally, i couldn't. i know i would be so mad and angry! i would want to shout at them for touching my stuff, to scream out, "leave my stuff alone! this isn't fair!" i would want the injustice to end.

but that's where Jesus is different. He's able to show His divinity to us...to them.

as He speaks, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (luke 23:34a), He is seeking forgiveness not for Himself, but for those who are wronging Him.

where does He find the strength to do that?

how is he able to give grace and mercy to those who are sinning against Him?

...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...

and during those times when life really isn't fair and there's incredible injustice going on, how do you or i forgive?

simply put, we look to the cross because Jesus has been there

content?

i was getting ready to spend some time in the Word this morning and randomly flipping through my bible to see if anything would call out to me to read or focus on. i was hoping God would send me a message to read a certain passage in the bible, and in a way i guess He did.

i end up flipping through the new testament and stumble across philippians 4:11b. i'm using the word stumble because that's exactly what it felt like. God putting something in my way to draw my eyes to it, as if He wanted me to trip over it. the verse reads, "...for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." and i must admit that after i read it, i rolled my eyes. yes, i rolled my eyes at a passage in the bible.

you see, the battle of contentment is difficult for me. i realize i should be content in all i have friends/family, health, a job, well-being, etc, etc. but when it comes down to it, i'm not content. there are other 'things' my heart longs for, other 'things' i want. and even before i was spending time in the Word, i was praying. i began by thanking God for certain things, but then transitioned into my desires/wants of my heart.

why?

because i am lacking contentment in my circumstances

where it's at for me today....

i took a short hiatus from blogging, due to the fact that i wasn't staying dialed in with God. i thought i was and could act like i was, but the truth is i was becoming distant. and today, a song called me back.

"by your side" by tenth avenue north is where it is for me. God's grace came pouring out to me in that song, calling me back, accepting me for where i'm at right now. as my day progresses on, i hear parts of it replaying in my head.

reminding me that God's right there,
He never left me,
even though i fell away from Him.

it's time for me not to fight off God and stop searching for things that i really don't need.

because when it comes down to it,

today i need Him

"come to me"

this morning i wanted to take some time to just listen to what's around me. it's all part of the process of reconnecting with God, getting dialed in, and being in His presence.

so i sat and listened.

i heard the ticking of my ceiling fan, and my breathing slowed and fell into rhythm with it.

i heard an occasional bird, hopefully signifying that spring is on its way.

after a period of time, i began to hear, feel, and visualize God. and this is what it was like for me...

with my eyes closed i was listening. God was there. i felt as though i was coming home to Him once again, after a brief time away from Him, and there He was ready to embrace me...to hug me. only i didn't know how to respond to this. do i hug Him back? do i just stand there with my arms to my sides? i chose the latter because that's what i needed this morning. He was there welcoming me home, saying "come to me".

read joel 2:12-14a

dialed in?

i have come to realize that right now, i'm definitely not as dialed into God as i'd like to be or even claim to be. it's easy to say that i am, but in reality i'm just not taking the time to do it.

why?

i'm not exactly sure. i know some of it is time management. i'm sure another factor is that i don't want to knowledge what God wants/needs to tell me right now.

do you know what i mean?

it's that time in my life when i'm coasting along at a rather comfortable pace, without many bumps in the road. so i'm thinking, i can handle this on my own. i'm doing okay. i'll call out to God when trouble arises, but until then i'm doing well. no need to bother God when there's bigger problems in the world.

when in fact, now is when i need God.

i need to allow Him to search my heart and tell me what i need to hear.

i need to let Him in, instead of blocking Him out.

i need to take the time for Him because He daily makes time for me.

"search me, o God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
see if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way of everlasting."
psalm 139:23-24

will vs. desire

recently i've been battling the difference between God's will and my heart's desire....wondering, how do you balance God's will to be done with the desires of your heart?

as we pray in 'the Lord's prayer,' we simply state "thy will be done". not my will, or my friend's will, or anyone elses, but "thy will be done". we are asking for God's will to be done in our lives. Jesus even sets the example by praying this same prayer to His Father, "not my will, but yours be done" (luke 42:46).

and i understand Jesus' prayer and the point of God's will being done, but i wrestle with praying for the desires of my heart.

in psalm 20:4 it says, "may He give you the desire of your heart...". wow, God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. and after reading this, i'm at a loss at what to do...

how can i pray for both the desires of my heart and for God's will to be done? because....
what if my desires and God's will are contrary to one another?

which leads me to wonder, am i brave enough then to desire my Father's will?

2 corinthians 4:17

"for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

so how do we let go of our current troubles to focus on the eternal glory?

the easy answer is to go to God with it. i know that's what i should do, but don't always apply it. and sometimes the here and now is much more consuming than thinking about the glory that is to come.

i think that's when we need to remember the big picture of it all. yes, we still need to work our way through our current situations, while working on not getting bogged down in them. i know i need to look ahead at what's to come, and remember who is guiding me.

and when i do that, i feel more at ease with the grace and peace God gives. because i know this momentary trouble will soon pass, and in the days or months ahead it become less and less important. my prayer is that as i am able to do that...that we are able to do that. that my focus can be on that big picture...the eternal glory...that God has for me.